Thursday, December 21, 2006
Sorry I have not posted in a while. Most certainly not due to lack of material, but I have been swamped at work and at home. The surgery also knocked me down hard, really hard. Also taking up my time is the Christmas shopping, present wrapping, cookie baking/eating as you can here. I love spritz cookies and when I get sick of the cookie press I make my own shapes. Yes, those are feminine shaped spritz cookies. Unfortunately I have no pictures of the male version. I even used the blue food coloring so I could say I made blue balls.
I don’t know where the day has gone lately. This will soon change – it seems like as soon as we flip the calendar to January 1 time slows drastically. Then I will have time to update you on the horrendous comments made to me by the nurse at my urology appointment. Of course they are related to infertility. DH and I are still shaking our heads.
Even with my busy schedule, I still have gloom scheduled from wake till sleep. I go about my daily activities seasoned with a tablespoon too many of sadness. I am busy nonetheless, but not content. The holiday time of year is always a challenge for me primarily due to my infertility but also because December 26th is 2 years since my miscarriage. I can’t help but let my mind wander to where we would have been right now with a child that would just be starting to understand the concept of Santa, presents, and holiday clothes. I posted the other day about avoiding malls for Christmas shopping and I guess I left out one of the main reasons we avoid malls this time of year: watching children waiting to sit on Santa’s lap. It is a stupid thing and I probably will never take my child(ren) to a mall to sit on Santa’s lap, but I get so sad that I don’t even have the option. I think children are the happiness of the holiday season and since we have none in our family, we have little happiness this time of year. Last evening I was sitting by the Christmas tree "wishing". I am not a religious person and have never been into prayer, but I just sat there staring into the lights "wishing" we had a little person to show the joy of the season. DH, noticing my contemplative state and being the smart lad he is, very quietly said: “2007 is going to be our year.” I certainly hope he is correct.
I promise that I will find time to visit your blogs tomorrow and post. I know I am not the only one suffering this time of year and for that I am sorry. None of us should have to bear this burden anytime of the year.