Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The shower update

Ever since we realized having a baby would not be easy for us I have tried to avoid baby showers. Can someone tell me then how I have ended up hosting or co-hosting 4 of them? I guess I am a sucker, but in my defense 2 were for fellow infertiles, one defaulted to our house when plans fell through otherwise, and the 4th one was last night.

I don't know why I do this to myself. Last night was not bad and actually kind of fun. It was a friends shower (not just females), the food was awesome, there was liquor (lots of it), and the only "game" we played was the baby picture game, which is hardly a game and the prize was a can of WD40 rather than some stupid lotion set.
I was even a good sport and continued with my tradition of "making" present for my friends. You can see the absolutely adorable booties above (there is also a hat to match). But.......Babyshowers are just so hard and such a reminder of what I don't have. Our friends always say that they will have the best shower for us and while that is nice, it doesn't "solve" anything. I don't know when that time will be.

Also, last night I brought some onesies to hang up as decoration. These were clearance onesies that I bought at Target a while ago. It is stupid and I brought them fully knowing I may not get them back, although I did not make any suggestion that they were for the showerees. Well, my heart sunk when the soon to be dad gathered them up and said "who do I have to thank for these". I just didn't have the heart to tell him that they were not for him, but inside I was so shook up. I guess I thought going into it that I would not be bothered if they thought it was a present for them, but I was wrong. Please let me stress, I am not mad or even faulting the dad, but rather just sad for us. It just feels so painful knowing that something I bought with the hope of having a child was taken by someone about to have one. That is the part of IF that really sucks. You see someone living your dream, your life, and enjoying the happiness that you deserve also. DH and I were up most of the night thinking. It was not the loss of the onesies, but rather the affirmation that someone would not think I need them. You know, why would I, I am not pg and may never be. I guess it just felt like someone was taking my dream. I know that the soon to be dad would feel AWFUL if he knew I was upset and I don't want that. I am not upset at him, but rather the situation we are in and I don't know anyway to explain how much that hurts to a fertile.


not so fertile girl said...

Your puppy is the cutest! and your quite talented with the bootie making! Luckily I haven't been invited to a baby shower that I could attend since I have been in IF treatment. Not that there haven't been a ton of babies born to friends. It just hasn't worked out for me to go.
That is sad about the onies. I fight the urge to buy some baby stuff for my furture kid all the time. I have already purchased some books. crazy!

Vee said...

Well I think you are one very brave woman hosting a baby shower. I know I wouldn't be that strong. I really don't thnk I could even go to one.
I understand your situation with the onesies.

I agree your puppy is very cute.
The booties are very cute also clever girl.

Heather said...

My heart breaks for you. You are such a stong woman, I would have just broke down. It is sad. I would feel the exact same way. I hope things look up soon for you.

DD said...

Every time I walk by the infant sections in stores I avert my eyes. I feel as if I'm jinxing myself. It must be a matter of what one truly believes and for you, you know that you will have a baby and that's what matters.

I don't dare dream that big. I try to be extra grateful for what I have instead.

Lut said...

"Someone else living your dream", exactly.

I'm glad we don't do baby showers over here. I couldn't bear it.

Beagle said...

I don't think I could even go to a baby shower after three years of infertility. So I applaud you for that!

CUTE, cute, cute booties!!

Share the pattern??

BeckyZ said...

Oh g-d, that part about the onesies was such a heartbreak! I'm so sorry he was so clueless, but I don't think there was anything you could do at that moment...what a dilemma.
You're a strong woman to go thru amm of what you've gone through, especially the showers. I hope your prayers are answered soon...