The transfer...

First off, does valium do anything??? I guess it made me go home and sleep for a little while but other than that I was not relaxed nor absent of pain. I have a "spare" tablet from my first IVF that I did not need since I never made it to transfer but now I have lost interest in it and will probably just throw it away when I clean out the medicine cabinet.

The transfer went o.k. They put 2 of my little embies in - apparently the best two. The were both grade 1 but only 4 and 5 cells so I was a bit worried and am just hoping that they were waiting to get back into the cozy Uterus before they go crazy with multiplying. The embryologist said she wants them at 6 - 8 cells but the cleaving was very clean and other than that the quality was quite high. Can 1 or 2 cells really make a difference? I certainly hope not. The RN/Tech said they had two 4 cell pregnancies just the day before so not to be too concerned. I hope she was not just trying to make me feel better. I got to see them under the microscope and they were so cute, in a weird only mother would love kind of way. I was kind of worried all day yesterday but I have this feeling of hope since we have not made it this far yet in the process. Not to mention I was watching something on TV and one of the commercials that kept playing was some guy dancing and the voice over said - "They.ve got to keep multiplying" I was unable to get it out of my head.

The nice embryologist guy (who I ran into at the coffee shop) was not on transfer duty that day but he made a trip down to wish me well. He is really awesome and I know he truly cares and wants us to get pg. I was just so touched that he cared enough to do that and no he was not just walking by, he actually told us that he will be hoping for the best and can't wait to hear good news and made a trip to the transfer room to tell us. Some people are so dedicated to their jobs and it really makes a difference. Dr. Bowtie was also not on that day but I had Dr. Mystery do my transfer. I call him that because I cannot figure him out - I think he is the really smart shy kind of awkward type. Anyway, when he walked into the room I asked if he was ready to Knock me up and he kind of chuckled and put on his could be climbing MT Everest head lamp to take a peek. Really - do you need that much light to look into my uterus. The process took about 45 minutes - 1/2 of it was spent trying to thread the catheter into my curvy uterus and and the rest on the transfer and then resting. I think Dr. Mystery was a bit nervous because he stopped talked and went into ultimate concentration mode. Once he got the little ones in and got the clear from lab that they were in me and not the catheter, he FINALLY took the metal speculum out, stood up, and did a little dance to tell me my uterus is "curvy". It made me chuckle and distracted me from the still lingering speculum discomfort. I think those things are designed by men.

Now begins the wait. I feel a little, well, I don't think there is a word to describe nervous, anxious, excited, scared.... I am afraid I am going to push those little embies out when I go to the bathroom or that my uterus is not taking good care of them. I so badly want this to work so I can return to some level of normalcy in my life. After TTC for the past 3 - 4 years I don't even know if I remember what that is like, but I am ready to create a new life for DH, Matisse (doggy), and my little ones. I fear the results of this round not because I am further from having children but more because I want to be out of this game right now. I am ready to be done with infertility.